I recently came across this touching story in the Dutch magazine DementieVisie, in which a person suffering from dementia called Martin (aged 86) speaks from the heart in describing how he feels about his gradual losses in the battle with dementia, and how he tries to stay positive and manage the process.
“I’m so afraid of that slippery slope,” Martin says. He finds it difficult to accept that he can no longer do so many things that he used to do.
Words from the heart
“I don’t believe I have dementia. If there were signs of dementia, I would notice it, right? That’s how I think. At the same time, I do realize that I’m declining and I can’t do lots of things anymore. I’m afraid of being labelled. I associate dementia with childishness, I suppose. It makes me think of someone who can’t do simple things, is confused, and I don’t see myself like that. I recently had a fall and hurt my back, I noticed that more. I became slower at thinking and making decisions. I get really annoyed by that. I can’t get used to it. I think my brain was shaken by that blow, and that’s why I can’t think normally anymore. You’re 86, right? Sometimes I’m just in denial, other times I think: ‘how annoying I have to go through all this’.”
“Dementia is a horrible word; it represents something nobody wants. I’m afraid of going downhill, that I will no longer be able to think the way I used to. I don’t care that I can’t run so fast anymore. I sometimes compare it to the past — I was always the slow coach in the football club at Rotterdam. You know what? I like to go against the grain; I’m someone who doesn’t blindly accept anything. Maybe my resistance comes from stubbornness; I can’t accept that I can’t do certain things anymore. I like to be direct. I like to say what I think, in polite terms. Rough on the outside, soft on the inside.”
“Stay optimistic. I think exercise is very important because it provides oxygen to the body and promotes health. Being positive is the second thing that helps a lot. If you have a negative character, and don’t notice the pleasures of life, and don’t want to do fun things anymore, then you go backwards. Oh, who am I? I am a simple boy from Rotterdam who did not study psychology, but I am still convinced that you live longer if you have an optimistic character. If you participate in positive things, and keep up with new developments. All these things help frm a basis for positive thinking.”
“Let go. Release the reins. I have to say goodbye to the idea that there is nothing wrong with me. Because there is something wrong. Being less capable is a natural process, but I mourn everything I’m losing. I find it difficult to look at things positively now, while I always did before. I’m going to try and accept the fact that I’m no longer that football player from Rotterdam and focus on what is possible. Letting go of the reins would give me a chance to still be in control but with less tension.
These words were recorded by Lies Orthmann, editor of DementieVisie. Lies works as a manager in mobile geriatric care.
